T and A

I hate the way it makes me feel when he watches other women my thoughts turn so dark against myself causing an internal warfare. i know he loves me and to him he doesnt think about it but every time i come across it its like of course id rather be looking at them than me to if i had a choice picking at every small flaw on my body feeling my skin crawl thinking how much it turns him on and i try to subside it by watching together but seeing how turned on he gets by anyone thats not me really hurts i try to fight all my stupid girl feelings and i feel like i cant talk to him about it because i try so hard to be the cool girlfriend and i want him to feel the freedom to be himself but i feel myself get mad at him and then i bottle it up but im not good at hiding things so he keeps askin me whats wrong but i cant tell him i just cant and in everything else i have no problem being completely honest with him.I hate myself