T and A

I hate the way it makes me feel when he watches other women my thoughts turn so dark against myself causing an internal warfare. i know he loves me and to him he doesnt think about it but every time i come across it its like of course id rather be looking at them than me to if i had a choice picking at every small flaw on my body feeling my skin crawl thinking how much it turns him on and i try to subside it by watching together but seeing how turned on he gets by anyone thats not me really hurts i try to fight all my stupid girl feelings and i feel like i cant talk to him about it because i try so hard to be the cool girlfriend and i want him to feel the freedom to be himself but i feel myself get mad at him and then i bottle it up but im not good at hiding things so he keeps askin me whats wrong but i cant tell him i just cant and in everything else i have no problem being completely honest with him.I hate myself

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We have to talk

I miss him in the quiet

I hate it but I do

I’ve made some mistakes before

But I really fucked up with you

It hurts to see you move on

Knowing that I’m to blame

I’m glad you’re in a better place

I’m still filled with shame

What is happiness anyways?

And why does it mean so much?

I’ve torn apart a family

I’ve lost my only crutch

I’m sorry that I hurt you

In the process I hurt me to

And there’s no turning back now

No matter what I do

Victimized 


I always act like the victim
Because I am the fucking victim
A victim of hatred
A victim of sin
When does the real sinning begin?
I hate myself
Especially my reflection
That causes your erection
That’s all I am
An erection

A constant imperfection

That shows no indiscretion 

Constantly losing my direction 

And tired of rejection 

And being up for subjection 

And suffering an infinite dissection

Then comes my objection 

Like a punch to my midsection 

I’m in need of some affection

And a little more protection

And in my future projections

I will find the right connection

New life 

I can get a life now

Though I don’t know where to start

I feel as though I’m cold now

In matters of the heart
 I want to start this journey

How do I find the road

The one that leads away from here

No more doing as I’m told
Even though I’m wrecking him

I need what’s best for me

He took me all for granted

And left me out to sea
And though this world is scary

It’s time for me to part

Search to get my warmth back 

And piece together my heart 

Dear John 

Don’t want to end you

But what can I do

I need to get a life 

Not go this round with you
Were both unhappy 

And life isn’t fair

Thought we were forever

But you just didn’t care 
Can’t place all the blame on you

I’ll take my share of the burden 

I can admit I’m wrong 

If I could ever get a word in 
I wanted to make you better

But you will never change 

And so for are family 

I’ll have to rearrange 
Because our kids aren’t happy 

And neither are we

So I’ll whittle us down

From 4 down to 3

Payback


What is it that im doing here?
I know this is a place to fear
But im not thinking very clear
I feel the end is creeping near

What is it i can do
To make you feel the truth
And know that we’re not through
How do i get to you

I want to pierce those piercing eyes
And crush your head between my thighs

Leave this world with no goodbyes

Here’s the payback for all your lies 

Rose’s thorns 


Why does other people’s happiness 

Come at the cost of mine?

I’m torn and broken 

They float on just fine 
Why can’t I escape this fate 

I’ve drawn so many lines 

When is the time for me

To feel like I’m divine 
I know I am a red rose 

In a dark background of black 

But I feel my petals graying 

As I’m pushed to the back
Please someone just find me 

And help me out of this 

I know that it’s all on me 

But ignorance is bliss

His secret 

I want to be your secret 

But a terrific one to tell

But if you’d just let me out sometimes

I know I’d fair you well
I do like our special secret 

But I just want to breathe

Fill up this little hole inside 

And feel the wind shake my leaves 
I love our little secret

But don’t you miss the world? 

We could still be alone our own way

I’ll always be you’re girl 
And I can keep a secret 

So please just set me free 

And when I have my freedom 

I promise you will see