Internal Wars

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Seething with indecision

Frantically sorting files in my head

I don’t know which way turn this time

Longing to be dead

 

I want to give in to myself

Do everything I know I shouldn’t

But rationality is taking over

Oh fuck I wish it wouldn’t

 

I’m climbing these fucking walls

With this longing stemmed from my heart

How easy to give in and live a selfish life

I’m internally ripping myself  apart

 

Why do I do this to myself

Fuck I don’t even know

I’ve got to get this shit together

Push this pain back down below

 

 

Enticing offers

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Follow me down devil’s path

I know a tale or two

And if it’s your lucky day

He might make a deal with you

Just your soul is all it will take

A small price to pay if your askin’

And the devil will grant your wish

At your utmost satisfaction

So think of your wish before we arrive

He’s a busy man don’t you know

And if you could just pick up your pace

We might get there in time for the show

Incarceration

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My heart has been imprisoned

Deep within my being

I keep it there incarcerated

To always remain unseen

For if I let my heart be liberated

It will show no restraint

So easily taken captive

without so much as a complaint

There it will be left broken

Shattered,in despair

And the one who left it shattered

Will not even be around to care

Aside

Feeble Attempts

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I hate that I can’t hate you

I try really hard I do

I try to pass the time with other things

and my thoughts find their way back to you

I wish that this was different

That there wasn’t such longing left behind

I wish that you could share my feelings

I wish you weren’t so blind

I know that you don’t hate me

Though you like to pretend you do

You like to act like I don’t exist

But I know you must think of me to

I can’t believe it’s really over

After all this fucking time

I’m filled with all these regrets

I can never make you mine

Masks

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I want to snuff my heart out

With friends and bad choices

I want to scream and shout

To drown out all these voices

 

Echoes of the past

Screaming through my head

Makes me want to kill myself

Makes me already dead

 

I want to run away from this

But there’s nowhere I can go

No corner of the world in which to hide

And I see nothing for miles but snow

 

I don’t know where i can go from here

Left withered and alone

And this is why I’ve come to hide

Behind the Living Dead Rose,

 

Aside

Hate My Love

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I hate that I still love you

I should have better things to do

Then sit here and think about us

And write all these poems about you

I hate that your not worth these tears

That fall softly on my keyboard

I wish I had never met you

I wish I didn’t need you more

All I have left is longing

And this hollowness inside

And this wish to somehow find you

For these binds to be untied

Fuck you for making me feel this

I gave you all the love I had

And you turned your back and walked away

And left me behind to go raving mad

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Blame

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I loved you with the fire of a thousand suns

And you left me here to burn

You left me here with all these scars

And this never ending yearn

 

I asked you not to do it

You did it anyway

I can not let my self forgive you

Will no longer convince you to stay

 

You have taken the best part of me

And left it in smoldering ash upon the ground

I can’t believe I fell for you

I took a leaping dive and I drowned

 

And as much as I want to blame you

Inside I know I can’t

Because I let you lead the way

I take the blame for that

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Kill me

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Why do I have to feel like this?

Why do I want to die?

Why is it that I even exist?

Oh please just tell me why

 

Why do I sabotage myself

When all I want is to be at peace?

Why do I put my dreams on a shelf?

Please oh tell me please?

 

Why do I let things eat at me?

Why do I feel like a disease?

Why can’t I float with the sea?

Oh please just kill me please

In Limbo

You’ve got me in a state of limbo

Waiting to find out if I fall or fly

Why I wait I do not know

For you are the reason I cry

 

I want to wait for forever

But I can not let you seal my fate

I want to believe any storm we could weather

But why do you make me wait!

 

With no one I can confide in

No one on which I can call

Living in this world of sin

Hiding behind your wall

 

Please come back for me

I can’t be me without you

Why can’t I make you see

That together we could rule

 

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