Suffering sun

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I suffer in sunlight
I can’t see to find my way
I bask in my self pity
And pray for night each day

My solace lies in shadows
Where I can lie unseen
And walk about invisible
Find poetry in the obscene

Where are the other night walkers
Why must I walk alone
Maybe because I’m different
And even night walkers have a home

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Love you best

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I hear you in the silence
Feel that twist beneath my chest
I try to repel it down
But I can’t help but love you best

We will never be together
The saddest words I’ve ever uttered
My mind still drifts to you
Mind recordings cut through me like butter

I’ve got to live without you
Fill this hole beneath my breasts
I am completely terrified
That I will always love you best

I’ve used all my will to stay away
And even with you far away
I still have this price to pay
I grow weaker with each day

I need to be happy without you
I think my pain has drunk it’s fill
And you continue on as you do
As I swallow down this big ass pill

So how do I get you out of my mind
You’ve made my head such a mess
So much pain I fear I’ll go blind
And still I love you best

Set me free

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I want to live in the land of magic
Where money grows on trees
Where pigs fly around your head
And you don’t get stung by bees

I want to live in fairytales
With centaurs who have kings
And fairies are all around us
And I myself have wings

I want to live on an island
With plenty of fruit to eat
And every creature that comes at me
Will always meet defeat

I want to be somewhere else
And I really don’t want to be me
So uncomfortable in my skin these days
Please just set me free

Indentured

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I don’t feel that I deserve this
Although you don’t treat me well
It seems you are impervious
And I’m trapped in your spell

I long for sounds of silence
I’m trapped inside my skull
My thoughts come with such violence
I wish I couldn’t think at all

I am your indentured service
Which you remind me of each week
You speak of only nonsense
Whilst I can barely speak

I love you and I loathe you
I should have passed you by
I can’t continue with you telling me what to do
And I can’t continue to lie

Your tone is so unnecessary
I cower in your shadow
How am I so Inciniery
I’m up the creek without a paddle

What makes me so subservient
I need to learn to change it
Because inside I am a deviant
I need to rearrange it

Why couldn’t you let me be

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Even after all your forsaking

My heart is still yours for the taking

Even after all my yearning

I continue on never learning

stuck in this world of complete delusion

How did i Fall  for this illusion

Let you engage a full intrusion

How did we end with this conclusion?

Why didn’t you just let me be

Just let my heart be young and free

Instead of taking it In your custody

Condemnation

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As the sand flows through the glass

I look at how much time has passed

And how i’ve sailed through life half mast

And how i want you to be first and last

But you put me to the side

in such a way that i despise

But i’ll give in when i see those eyes

to you this comes as no surprise

I’ll follow you to the bitter end

And always try to remain your friend

Even when it falls out of trend

In this love im perpetually condemned

The Reaping

follow me back down the hole

where all the well wishers go

make sure you keep your sins in tow

nothing can be hidden he will already know

So follow me down below

where the devil waits to take your soul

It was never really yours to hold

and you were meant to walk this road

he wants to take it nice and slow

Keep you all out on the row

“for all your sins” he shall crow

And you will feel yourself let go

As you let all your sins blow

suddenly your filled with woe

your sins wrapped up in a bow

You’ve never ever, felt so low

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As your judged from head to toe

you have no choice but to let it go

As whats left of you as liquid it flows

you remembered they said you reap what you sow

God complex

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I’ve wondered what it would be like to kill someone

To drive a sharp  knife through the flesh of another person

to watch as i skillfully slice them open

to see the bounty of my perversion

To taste the salty sweet life nectar

To feel the hot stickiness flow down my chin

my victim all alone with no protector

oh let the sweet sin begin

oh how they would bleed for me

As i watch the life light leave their eyes

While they scream for me to let them be

as I bring them to their demise

Existance

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You don’t really want my view

So I’ll keep it for myself

because my opinion is twisted

I’ll place it on my mental shelf

I’ll think about it later

Twirl it in my mind

wonder why I’m so different

why i try to hide

A part of me is lonely

The other part doesn’t care

I try to numb myself

To the fact my life’s not fair

There are people with real problems

Yet I trivialize small things

I just can’t seem to escape myself

To exist beyond just being