Internal conflict

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Why cant i fight this feeling
Building deep inside
Why do i keep these secrets
And always try to hide

I fear they may be right about me
I live a double life
I show one side to others
But darkness lies inside

I need to get away from me
I hate the way i am
And all the ones who love me
Participate in my sham

I dont know how to change this path
Seems i’ll always live in shadow
I have no one left to blame but me
I’ve surrendered in this battle

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Lobotomy please?

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You just go on with your life
While im bogged down with memories
You are the one holding the knife
As i remember everything you ever said to me

What goes on in that head of yours
Whats hidden behind those eyes
That makes it easy to walk away from me
As you fill up my head with lies

Whats a girl supposed to do
When you wont get out of her head
I hope to one day forget about you
Hopefully before i am dead

Suffering sun

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I suffer in sunlight
I can’t see to find my way
I bask in my self pity
And pray for night each day

My solace lies in shadows
Where I can lie unseen
And walk about invisible
Find poetry in the obscene

Where are the other night walkers
Why must I walk alone
Maybe because I’m different
And even night walkers have a home

Love you best

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I hear you in the silence
Feel that twist beneath my chest
I try to repel it down
But I can’t help but love you best

We will never be together
The saddest words I’ve ever uttered
My mind still drifts to you
Mind recordings cut through me like butter

I’ve got to live without you
Fill this hole beneath my breasts
I am completely terrified
That I will always love you best

I’ve used all my will to stay away
And even with you far away
I still have this price to pay
I grow weaker with each day

I need to be happy without you
I think my pain has drunk it’s fill
And you continue on as you do
As I swallow down this big ass pill

So how do I get you out of my mind
You’ve made my head such a mess
So much pain I fear I’ll go blind
And still I love you best

Set me free

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I want to live in the land of magic
Where money grows on trees
Where pigs fly around your head
And you don’t get stung by bees

I want to live in fairytales
With centaurs who have kings
And fairies are all around us
And I myself have wings

I want to live on an island
With plenty of fruit to eat
And every creature that comes at me
Will always meet defeat

I want to be somewhere else
And I really don’t want to be me
So uncomfortable in my skin these days
Please just set me free

Indentured

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I don’t feel that I deserve this
Although you don’t treat me well
It seems you are impervious
And I’m trapped in your spell

I long for sounds of silence
I’m trapped inside my skull
My thoughts come with such violence
I wish I couldn’t think at all

I am your indentured service
Which you remind me of each week
You speak of only nonsense
Whilst I can barely speak

I love you and I loathe you
I should have passed you by
I can’t continue with you telling me what to do
And I can’t continue to lie

Your tone is so unnecessary
I cower in your shadow
How am I so Inciniery
I’m up the creek without a paddle

What makes me so subservient
I need to learn to change it
Because inside I am a deviant
I need to rearrange it

Why couldn’t you let me be

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Even after all your forsaking

My heart is still yours for the taking

Even after all my yearning

I continue on never learning

stuck in this world of complete delusion

How did i Fall  for this illusion

Let you engage a full intrusion

How did we end with this conclusion?

Why didn’t you just let me be

Just let my heart be young and free

Instead of taking it In your custody

Crimson eyes

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She had away of defying authority

That made her seem like a bitch

To most of the majority

She had this icy stare

That built the wall

Too prove she didn’t care

she had this way she bit her lips

That caused my  blood to rise

with each sway of those hips

I die a little inside

she can’t see what her worth is

and the world doesn’t seem to care

to her the world seems hopeless

and life seems so unfair

But i see what she tries to hide

The demons that all reside

Behind those crimson eyes

Condemnation

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As the sand flows through the glass

I look at how much time has passed

And how i’ve sailed through life half mast

And how i want you to be first and last

But you put me to the side

in such a way that i despise

But i’ll give in when i see those eyes

to you this comes as no surprise

I’ll follow you to the bitter end

And always try to remain your friend

Even when it falls out of trend

In this love im perpetually condemned