New life 

I can get a life now

Though I don’t know where to start

I feel as though I’m cold now

In matters of the heart
 I want to start this journey

How do I find the road

The one that leads away from here

No more doing as I’m told
Even though I’m wrecking him

I need what’s best for me

He took me all for granted

And left me out to sea
And though this world is scary

It’s time for me to part

Search to get my warmth back 

And piece together my heart 

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Again and again

And here I am alone again

Here comes that hole again

Forgot to play my role again

Got myself feeling low again

Drown the heart you stole again

Your love takes its toll again

When will I feel whole again?

Starting to lose my control again

Fighting to save my soul again 

As it goes spiraling down the bowl again

Time for you to quit the show again 

I’m getting hit with “no” again

Feel I’ve nowhere to go again 

The dancing demon

Got to get you the fuck out of my head

You’re the demon I never should have fed

All I really wanted is you in my bed

And I’m left drowning in a sea of tears instead
We could have lived a life of total debauchery

If you hadn’t made me such a mockery

And made me go all stalkery 

What the fuck is wrong with me? 
Can anyone tell me the answer ?

When it comes to the truth he’s such a good dancer

Inside I’m such a disaster

And in the matter of my heart he is my master
I wish I could get him out of me

And that there was a cure for this heart disease

And that I could lay my mind at ease

But with tears in my eyes I’m still begging please
And as low as it makes me feel to plead

I’m still down on my hands and knees

Anything you want is free

If you just take this ride with me

Secret Beacon

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I was so lost for so long
And in walks you a shining beacon
Shedding light on all that was wrong
While i tried to stay in shadow

What is it that makes me love you
Im never jilted by your indifference
It has everything to do with you
I am not your only preference

Why do you hide from me
You know you want to talk
I promise not to steal you away
But we must walk this walk

If what i want is closure why cant i walk away
You dont even want me
But my feelings are here to stay
Though we are not meant to be

Nothing is written in stone they say
Yet my heart traiterously falls back to you
Youve already gone too far away
And theres nothing i can do

I anxiously await the day our paths cross
Because oh i know they will
And maybe i can feel something again
My dirty little thrill

Fuck You Fuck Waiting

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Waiting for this day to end
Fuck this life who needs friends
Sorry if I fell out of trend

Fuck you and the things you do
The way you talk the people you screw
I should have stayed away from you

You are like a bad disease
Walking around doing as you please
Empty promises, you’re such a tease

Well I will have no more of this
You betrayed me again and now I’m pissed
So if only for now you’ve been dismissed

And one day you might realize
What was always behind these eyes
And by then I’ll no longer sympathize

So fuck you and the things you do
You’ll have to find someone else to screw
Just remember I’ll get mine to

The Dying Ones

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My heart screams for mercy
My body aches for more
All this internal controversy
Makes me your little whore

Fill me with your hatred
We are a dying breed
I’ve never been so penatrated
I love the way you bleed

I’ve chosen life without you
But you always pull me back
I cast out all my demons
And I come back from black

Please fill me with your power
I will always belong to you
I will be your lap dog
No extant to the things I’d do

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Reality of love

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“Fuck you “she said with fire in her eyes
As her blood began to boil
“Im sick of this shit ,and this life,
And the constant fucking turmoil”

“You have broken the last straw
It’s time for me to fight back
You do whatever the fuck you want
And I’m left to pick up the slack”

“Fuck me?” He said with a tense jaw
“I’ve always been here for you
Even when you were nothing
What the fuck do you want me to do”

“Fight back from what?
I’ve never raised a hand”
As his voice grew ever louder
“This is more than I can stand!”

“So what are we doing here?” She said
As tears fill up her eyes
“I don’t know”
Was all that he replies

“If you can’t stand me you should leave”
Venom in her words
As they lock in their stare
They both know it’s absurd

This is a familiar road
For them it’s sad but true
But there is so much passion there
True love through and through

Revelations

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Sleep deprivation
Is such an agitation
I need some medication
To escape this aggrivation
Im growing so impatient
With the constant alienation
i will withdraw my hesitation
And take down this whole nation
I need i new sensation
Besides this damnation
So stuck on this station
Drowning with no flotation
So filled up with this frustration
In need of revelation
Instead of soul starvation
Be my salvation
Give me my sedation
So i can give my proclamation
And rejoice in revelations

Mental Purgatory

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Stuck in this purgatory
With no one to share my story
I wish he would come back from sea
I really just want him out of me

Still cant get him out of my head
Makes me feel im better off dead
All of these feelings constantly fed
Makes waking up fill me with dread

I swear that i seduce myself
Cant bring myself down so high on this shelf
You came crashing through no hint of stealth
And cost me my emotional wealth

I need you to come back to me
So together we both can be free
And together we’ll take on the sea
And escape from our purgatory

Internal conflict

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Why cant i fight this feeling
Building deep inside
Why do i keep these secrets
And always try to hide

I fear they may be right about me
I live a double life
I show one side to others
But darkness lies inside

I need to get away from me
I hate the way i am
And all the ones who love me
Participate in my sham

I dont know how to change this path
Seems i’ll always live in shadow
I have no one left to blame but me
I’ve surrendered in this battle