Again and again

And here I am alone again

Here comes that hole again

Forgot to play my role again

Got myself feeling low again

Drown the heart you stole again

Your love takes its toll again

When will I feel whole again?

Starting to lose my control again

Fighting to save my soul again 

As it goes spiraling down the bowl again

Time for you to quit the show again 

I’m getting hit with “no” again

Feel I’ve nowhere to go again 

Suffering sun

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I suffer in sunlight
I can’t see to find my way
I bask in my self pity
And pray for night each day

My solace lies in shadows
Where I can lie unseen
And walk about invisible
Find poetry in the obscene

Where are the other night walkers
Why must I walk alone
Maybe because I’m different
And even night walkers have a home

Love you best

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I hear you in the silence
Feel that twist beneath my chest
I try to repel it down
But I can’t help but love you best

We will never be together
The saddest words I’ve ever uttered
My mind still drifts to you
Mind recordings cut through me like butter

I’ve got to live without you
Fill this hole beneath my breasts
I am completely terrified
That I will always love you best

I’ve used all my will to stay away
And even with you far away
I still have this price to pay
I grow weaker with each day

I need to be happy without you
I think my pain has drunk it’s fill
And you continue on as you do
As I swallow down this big ass pill

So how do I get you out of my mind
You’ve made my head such a mess
So much pain I fear I’ll go blind
And still I love you best

Set me free

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I want to live in the land of magic
Where money grows on trees
Where pigs fly around your head
And you don’t get stung by bees

I want to live in fairytales
With centaurs who have kings
And fairies are all around us
And I myself have wings

I want to live on an island
With plenty of fruit to eat
And every creature that comes at me
Will always meet defeat

I want to be somewhere else
And I really don’t want to be me
So uncomfortable in my skin these days
Please just set me free

Indentured

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I don’t feel that I deserve this
Although you don’t treat me well
It seems you are impervious
And I’m trapped in your spell

I long for sounds of silence
I’m trapped inside my skull
My thoughts come with such violence
I wish I couldn’t think at all

I am your indentured service
Which you remind me of each week
You speak of only nonsense
Whilst I can barely speak

I love you and I loathe you
I should have passed you by
I can’t continue with you telling me what to do
And I can’t continue to lie

Your tone is so unnecessary
I cower in your shadow
How am I so Inciniery
I’m up the creek without a paddle

What makes me so subservient
I need to learn to change it
Because inside I am a deviant
I need to rearrange it

Endless torture

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The nights they are the longest
Because my mind is full of you
So much time has passed
You’ve proved I am a fool

Your kisses they still linger
I feel your fingers drag my skin
My heart still beats for you
I revel in the sin

And though It knows it shouldn’t
My mind still drifts to you
And even though we couldn’t
Our time is never through

Even though you’ve forsaken me

I still feel like we’re meant to be

Rid me of this disease

I just want you please

I endure through these long nights

And try to corral thoughts of all types

Someone please turn out the lights

I feel I’ve nothing left to fight

Why couldn’t you let me be

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Even after all your forsaking

My heart is still yours for the taking

Even after all my yearning

I continue on never learning

stuck in this world of complete delusion

How did i Fall  for this illusion

Let you engage a full intrusion

How did we end with this conclusion?

Why didn’t you just let me be

Just let my heart be young and free

Instead of taking it In your custody

Bcause of You

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As I exist here lonely and weeping

The pornographic visions come creeping

as my heart continues sinking

don’t know what my brain was thinking

i knew in my heart of hearts

you would again tear me apart

and i would again be left in the dark

But i couldn’t help but let it start

Because it always comes down to you

and you always do those things that you do

even though my heart’s been true

I will always be your fool

So until the inevitable end

I will lend you more than an ear my friend

and the price I will tend

No matter what i have to spend

Existance

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You don’t really want my view

So I’ll keep it for myself

because my opinion is twisted

I’ll place it on my mental shelf

I’ll think about it later

Twirl it in my mind

wonder why I’m so different

why i try to hide

A part of me is lonely

The other part doesn’t care

I try to numb myself

To the fact my life’s not fair

There are people with real problems

Yet I trivialize small things

I just can’t seem to escape myself

To exist beyond just being

Even though I love you

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Brutal invasions of my thoughts

Why must you test me so

I thought this was a joint decision

Why can’t you let me go

I know that there is love there

But we’ve chosen different paths

I still believe we belong together

And that your my other half

What am I gonna do with you

When you’ll always choose her over me

Even though i love you

This is how it has to be